Yep, that's it....

It's not so much about lying per se, as it is that I have no real clue as to how to self-evaluate. Is my understanding of clinical processes... "deep", "broad", "extensive" or is it more "shallow", "narrow", and "limited"? Seems there isn't much in the English language to cover the middle either, at least not without completely flimflamming.

Then again, durn it -- I am a flimflammer. Maybe I should just come right out and revel in my flimflammyness... If one can be "black and proud" why can't I be "a flimflammer and proud"?

No, wait... Once in a while I actually look up the words that I use -- you know, just in case they don't mean what I intend them to mean when I say them. Sure enough, "deceptive nonsense" is the definition of "flimflam". Hrmpf.

What am I doing?

First post... This blog is intended for me, but I reckon others will see it eventually as well. For now, I will attempt to put that out of mind.

As I write a cover letter for a job application, it occurs to me that I am stymied because of a fundamental tension between how I believe I must project myself in order to be employable ("I have a deep knowledge of...") vs. my rather real internal dialog ("I have very little knowledge about a great many things...")

I think this may be one of the reasons why I so dread the job search process and am willing to procrastinate on it mightily when the costs are so extraordinarily high, both financially and relationally with my wife and family.